Hollywood Romance or Real Relationship?

You've dreamed about a dashing romantic hero who will sweep you off your feet and take you away from the dullness of everyday life. Far away from the boredom of the mundane, you will delight in the continuous excitement of true love!

'Course, there are many, many ways this scene can play out. It's as unique as your own life, colored by the different experiences you've had and the people you've met.

For instance, you just might find yourself on a cruise ship in the middle of the north Atlantic Ocean, and a handsome young man discovers how beautiful you are. Amidst chaos and confusion, as the ship begins to sink, the two of you run away from the crowds to steal a desperate kiss.

Or, you may be listening to a radio program and hear the sorrowful voice of a young widower, struggling to survive the loss of his beloved wife. Strangely compelled to write to this man, you send off a letter inviting him to meet you on top of the Empire State Building on Valentine's Day for a second chance at love.

Even better, you risk your own life rescuing a young man who was thrown in front of a subway train. Sitting by his side, as he remains in a coma at the hospital, you gradually fall in love with his rugged older brother, who's more suited for you than you ever imagined.

Take your pick - there's even the slim, but plausible, chance that a young European prince would choose your college for some undergraduate work in an attempt to discover the ins and outs of American lifestyle. Instead, he falls hard for the "girl next door" who's not even expecting love.

Um, yeah. If these plots sound vaguely familiar, it's because they are. All of these situations have been presented as a wonderful ideal of romance and true love, made to sell us on the idea of love being all you need. Hollywood does a great job of that, ignoring the fact, of course, that fifty percent (or more) of marriages based on love continue to end tragically in divorce.

Maybe you have observed or even suffered as a casualty of divorce, shaken to your core, trying to reconcile the romantic dreams you desire with the harsh reality of a broken world. Every guy you meet is held to an impossible standard - the perfect romantic hero who will never desert his lover. Well, if he doesn't meet the standard, you can't possibly be hurt by him, right?

Right. You also might find it difficult to get married, though. Guys are like that - they want to be the hero, so if they aren't, they probably won't stick around!

What does a real relationship consist of? Let's pick a more authoritative source this time. How about the Bible?

Matthew 19:4-6:

And He [Jesus] answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He Who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female' and said, 'for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate." (NKJV)

Wait a minute....where's the part about the dashing romantic hero? What about flowers, and chocolate, and candlelit dinners? I don't even see anything about true love!

Maybe that's because marriage is more than love - it's about two becoming one. It's about serving your guts out to make life easier for the other. It's about faithfulness in the midst of trials. It's about better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and health.

What's going to happen after the honeymoon? Working, cooking, cleaning, paying bills, changing diapers, disciplining children, serving on committees, corralling teenagers, saving for retirement....etc. etc. etc. There will be vacations and romance, sure, but a whole lot of work in between. Plus, you will have a 24/7 accountability partner to observe every single sin and weakness in your own life.

If you can find a man who's willing to go through this with you, then you have found a treasure, and true love, even without the swelling orchestral strains and softened camera angles! A committed, real friendship will long outlast the short-lived emotions of romance.

What does it mean to go through life together? To become one flesh? Paul said it best:

"This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church." Ephesians 5:32 NKJV

What did Christ do for us? He laid down his life so we might be saved. If there's ever a romantic hero, this is it! What does (or should) the church do for Christ? We give our lives for His glory.

You can hold out for a dashingly romantic story, to be swept off your feet and drawn into the rapturous songs of love. Or, maybe you can ground yourself down to earth, and keep your eye out for a friend who wants to walk this journey of life together with you. If you are willing to give your life for another, to serve, rather than to be served, then love will find you.

Even if it's just a little bit different than your dreams!

Why Most Young People Today Are Not Prepared For Marriage

This article speaks in generalities and what I have experienced in the young people I personally know today. I am not putting all 20-somethings into this category. You be the judge and decide for yourself if you are prepared for a lifetime marriage or not.

Most young people are not prepared for marriage because they have never been taught the wife/husband and the woman/man roles for marriage. Most women walk into marriage with the attitude of how her husband can make her happy 24/7 and both of them walk into the marriage with feelings of desire and lust. This is not to say they do not love one another, but it is to say which are you basing the marriage on, love or feelings.

Many times, because the husband does not truly know what his role is in the marriage, the wife in her disappointment becomes bossy and critical of her husband, but she does not know what his role is either, or hers for that matter. Then because of the lack of positive attention from his wife, the husband becomes bored and thinks he is not in love anymore.

Of course if you're going to have a marriage just like everyone else that will have a 50 to 60 percent chance rate of failure, then I suppose it does not matter if you have not been taught how to treat the opposite sex and love the person you marry. But if we want a godly marriage based on God's principles then we DO NEED to know a little bit about what is expected of us so we can honor God with our marriage, not turn it into a shambles.

A couple should never walk into marriage thinking that the marriage is for their happiness and enjoyment, or think that our spouses are supposed to fulfill our every nonsensical whim and make us happy 24/7. That would be a fairytale marriage and there is no such thing as a fairytale marriage. The closest you will get to a fairytale marriage is if you manage your marriage under God's relationship principles. Love must be without dissimulation.

Have you ever noticed how the fairytale books always say in the end "and they lived happily ever after"? But this is VERY misleading and presumptuous, would you say? It's just like telling small children about the existence of santa clause and the tooth fairy. It is ridiculous to have your daughter grow up believing that she will be whisked up by prince charming and the marriage will be happily ever after. It's a delusion.

Let me show you the difference between the fairytale marriage and the Godly Marriage. Now remember, fairytale marriages don't last because reality sets in and couples cannot handle the stress put upon what they presumed would be happily ever after.

Godly Marriage

* Godly marriages believe that happiness comes from within our spirit because of our relationship with God, and that marriage is made for honoring Godits creator!

* Godly marriage is based upon God's principles of love, serving one another in love, which ultimately honors God.

*Godly marriage is built upon commitment until death do you part rather than the "I'm not in love with you anymore" part.

Fairytale Marriage

* Fairytale marriages believe that happiness comes from each other, which makes marriage even more selfish.

* Fairytale marriages believe that love is a feeling, which causes people to think they are not in love anymore.

* Fairytale marriage never last because the fairytale eventually ends.

*Fairytale marriage are based on feelings rather than commitment

Don't Date Naked

We live in a time when sexual purity among men and women has become a thing of the past. Today's culture is putting more and more pressure on individuals to hook up and do "whatever feels good at the moment," regardless of the consequences. Popular television shows and glossy magazines portray the lives of attractive, upscale celebrities who engage in risky sexual behavior.

In their extremely informative and insightful book "Boundaries in Dating," psychiatrists Henry Cloud and John Townsend pointed out that to be a whole person means every single aspect--spiritual, physical, intellectual, emotional, and relational--of that person is integrated and functioning. When a man or woman chooses to act out sexually while still on the low-commitment, getting-to-know-you stage of casual dating, the entire relational process is cut short.

It's a sad fact that a lot of people have been shortchanged by escalating the physical level of their dating relationships too quickly, finding out later on in marriage that their partner is incapable of a true relationship. They found out that lust, not love, was driving the pace.

Intimacy while dating doesn't mean sharing each other's bodies. Effective dating is a meeting of the minds, thoughts, feelings, dreams, and goals of emotionally mature individuals who are prayerfully considering marriage. When you give 100 percent of your body to a person who's not yours (meaning he's not committed to you in marriage), you have overstepped your sexual boundaries.

When a person makes the decision to commit himself to sexual purity while dating, he is showing proof that he is fulfilled in his relationship with the Lord. He is allowing God to work on his character, and self-control is one of the fruits of being spiritually connected. Delaying sexual gratification means that he is also willing to make the necessary sacrifices required later on in marriage.

If you're in a dating relationship right now and you're being pushed by your date into premature sexual intimacy, ask yourself, "If he can't show respect for me now, what makes me think that he'll be considerate about my feelings in the future?"

God designed the sexual act, but He was also wise enough to command us to keep it within the boundaries of marriage.

10 Steps To Build Quality Relationship That Will Enhance Your Success Story

What effect does your present relationship have on your success story? No relationship leaves you the same way: it builds you up or destroys you, determines your failure or success in life. Therefore, it is very vital that you know how to build quality relationship. This article aims to equip you with basic but adequate knowledge on how to do just that.

Through skillful and godly Wisdom is a house (a life, a home, a family) built, and by understanding it is established [on a sound and good foundation], and by knowledge shall its chambers [of every area] be filled with all precious and pleasant riches. - Proverb 24: 3-4 (AMP)

A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth: and a word spoken in due season, how good is it! - Proverbs 15:1, 23 (KJV)

It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. - 1 Corinthians 13:5 (AMP)

Every success story starts with a relationship. You need people to be successful in life. The key to your success or failure is your ability to build and maintain quality relationship in all areas of your life. However, a word of caution here: no two persons are the same, everyone is unique. Therefore, it is important that you relate to individuals according to your knowledge of them. Every relationship is to benefit everyone involved.

How to build relationship of great quality

1. Have a relationship with God
First and foremost, build a relationship with God. How you relate with God determines how you will relate with your fellow human beings. A close walk with God builds you to be like Him: to think, talk and act like Him. A relationship with God is the foundation for any success story. Remember, God is the God of success. This outstanding world we are in is a proof of that.

2. Have an understanding Attitude
There is nobody you cannot relate with. All you need is an understanding attitude. It will help you to avoid any misunderstanding. A good picture of the person you are relating with will determine what you say, when and how you say a thing. Also, it will determine how you act before the person.

3. Be rational
Emotion, though important to relationships, needs to be balanced with reason. Too much emotion can distort your judgement and consequently your success story. When you balance emotion with reason, you tend to make fewer mistakes in life.

4. Acquire good communication skills
Communication is the bed-rock of any relationship. Where there is no effective communication, there will be no quality relationship. Develop good communication skills, most especially listening skills. In order to build relationship that will enhance success, you need to learn how to pass across information, feelings, etc effectively to another person. Let the person get the message as you do.

5. Be reliable
A strong relationship is characterized by reliability on the part of everyone involved. Be wholly trustworthy, predictable, honest, clear and reliable, but not naive.

6. Employ the power of influence
The power of influence is more effective and impactful than that of dictatorship. Don't be coercive or forceful in your approach. Rather, be persuasive and likewise open to persuasion.

7. Learn the act of applying brakes
If you believe in that relationship you will not be in haste. Building quality relationship demands that you make some sacrifices, including sacrificing time, to really appreciate the person you are relating with. Applying the brakes will uncover certain traits in the person that will enhance success for you; this you will miss if you are in a hurry. Also, you will have a better opinion of that person.

8. Practice not judging others
Being judgemental is detrimental to any success story. No one enjoys being judged by others. You are human with both faults and good qualities, so also your friend, spouse, colleague, etc. By avoiding being judgemental in your daily life, you will attract comments, suggestions and ideas that will boost your success in life.

9. Practice true love
Quality relationships are built on the foundation of true love. Love that prefers another to oneself builds relationships that bring out the best in everyone involved. When you walk in true love towards your friend or spouse, etc, you provoke him or her into doing all he or she can do to increase your success story.

10. Learn to say NO when due
To build relationship of great quality, you need to know when to say NO and stick to it. Understand your place in that relationship. Don't allow anybody to manipulate you: it will not enhance success for you. Setting limits in your relationships means learning to love and trust yourself. Someone who recognizes that you respect yourself will most likely respect you too.

Many people understand the power of relationship but lack the knowledge of how to use it to enhance their success story. Following the above steps will certainly set you on the right path. Really, it is possible to build quality relationship that will make you a success in life, but the responsibility is yours. Take right steps today and your story will be the next to be shared!

Why Love Is a Choice, Not an Emotion by Karla Downing

Why is love a choice and not an emotion? The emotional component of love that we associate with feeling "loving" isn't consistent. For a relationship to be solid, there has to be consistency. Choosing to love means one will choose actions that demonstrate love regardless of the emotion that is felt (1 Corinthians 13). Here are five things that you choose to do when you love someone whether you are feeling angry, disappointed, distant, hurt, upset, loving, irritated, happy, unhappy or anything else:

1. You act in a way that is in the person's best interest. When you love someone, you have goodwill toward that person and act in a way that supports and cares. You do not purposefully bring harm or ill will toward them. You want to see the person happy, successful, secure, and fulfilled. Loving someone means you are invested fully in the person's well being. This is part of the commitment you make to the person when you enter the relationship. Romans 13:10 says, "Love does no harm to its neighbor" (NIV).

2. You take the person's needs into consideration.It doesn't mean you always have to do what the person wants or that it is wrong to put your own needs first. It just means you will consider what the other person wants and needs as much as you take your own needs into consideration. It is a balancing act that means you will sometimes sacrifice your own needs and wants for the other person and other times decide that you need to put yourself first. Philippians 2:4 says, "Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others" (NIV).

3. You work toward understanding the person's viewpoint.Your own viewpoint makes sense to you, because it is yours. However when you love someone, it is important that you work toward understanding how he/she thinks and sees things. That person's opinions and emotions, albeit often different than yours, are equally important and you need to put energy into getting what is going on with the person. Part of feeling loved is to be understood for who you are. Proverbs 20:5 says, "The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out" (NIV).

4. You treat the person respectively. No matter how you feel, you can control how you act. You don't have the right to mistreat someone just because you are emotionally upset. One of the worst things you can do in a relationship is to treat your partner with contempt and disrespect. When you respect your partner, you speak and act in a way that conveys that the person is valuable to you. God wants respect in relationships. He tells husbands to respect their wives (1 Peter 3:7) and wives to respect their husbands (Ephesians 5:33).

5. You are committed to the relationship. If love were demonstrated only when one had loving feelings, then relationships would be roller coasters. Commitment is the additive that makes the road smooth and flat. Commitment means the relationship is bigger than either one of the partners. The good of the relationship becomes the goal. The marriage, relationship, or partnership is more important than either of the people in it. This helps both people rise above each person's sometimes competing views and needs. God views marriage and a committed sexual relationship as an entity. Two become one (Genesis 2:24) and the one is a union that is to be cherished and not broken, if at all possible.

Why is a love a choice and not an emotion? Because, it wouldn't be love if it depended on the ups and downs of the emotional feeling we associate with feeling "loving."