What God does not want from you as a lady and as a wife

Today, we will be looking at “What God does not want from you as a lady and as a wife.”

1. He does not want you to be
disobedient or rebellious to your
husband. God wants you as a wife to be obedient and submissive to your husband. Let’s look at the scriptures IN LIKE manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives, When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him--to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband]. (1Pe 3:1-2 AMP)
Now wives, there is no way you follow the above scripture and you will not have victory in your marriage. Why? Because it is the word of God and His word never fails. Take a look at it again! You are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him--to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband]. That is how to make
you husband love you like no man’s business! Before you give up in that marriage, before you start complaining, make sure you obey what God instructs you to do here. Notice that includes uncooperative husbands. The scripture says you can win them over by your attitude! That is how powerful a woman is. As a single lady, giving in to pre-marital sex is not submission. Don’t even think about it. They are miles apart. You are to stoutly refuse and disobey him in regard to that in order to preserve the relationship and preserve your destiny. If he wants to go because you won’t give in to sex, let him go! His name may be Abednego! He is not your husband. If he is, he will not be putting pressure on you to compromise your virtue.

2. He does not want you to place your work/career before your family. You should never make that mistake. Your family comes first and the wife is really the home-maker. If you do not put priority on your home, you make your husband vulnerable and make the children grow in abdefective way. While it is good to pursue your career, your family must come first. Too many women have pursued their career at the expense of losing their husbands and children. The key here is balance. As singles ladies, be open to friendship as you grow, pursue your career and don’t be isolated.

3. He does not want you to live a life of depression and unhappiness. God wants you to be
a happy wife! He wants you to create an atmosphere of joy in the home and not that ofvgloominess and despondency. A woman can literally change the mood in the house! That is how powerful women are. Take it easy. Be humorous. Learn to relax and don’t be toovclosed up in your own worldview. A cheerful heart brings a smile to your face; a sad heart makes it hard to get through the
day. (Pro 15:13 MSG) As a single lady, be cheerful and don’t let that melancholic look to take over your
countenance or else the very husband you want to attract can change his mind upon sighting your face even though God has spoken to him! So cheer up! Cast you care on Jesus and don’t allow worry to bend you over. Guys like their ladies straight! Yes, I know depressive thoughts will come but you must learn to handle them God’s way! We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers
erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ.
(2Co 10:5 MSG)

4. He does not want you to get involved with adulterous relationships. Don’t try to revenge
on your husband’s attitude by developing affairs with colleagues and friends. It may make your flesh feel good in revenge, but in the real sense of it, it will bring untold anguish and heartache. Your life will slip down to that of deception, lies and other false intrigues. Thebconscience can become seared until one sees nothing wrong in having adulterous flings just to feel good and ‘enjoy life”. Don’t cheat on your husband, the consequences are debilitating and crushing. Adultery is a stolen pleasure and the spiritual implications are
not good for anybody. Stolen bread tastes sweet, but soon your mouth is full of gravel. (Pro 20:17 MSG)
As single ladies, don’t keep one guy in Nigeria and the other in USA while you are collecting money from both of them. That way, you are training your heart in adultery drama that won’t end happily thereafter.

5. He does not want you to provoke your children unnecessarily. God does not want you to take out what you feel or how you feel on the children. Don’t transfer your aggression on them or else they will grow up doing exactly the same things to their siblings and then their spouses. What you do to children and around them go a long way to influence their thought patterns and outlook to life. Fathers, do not provoke or irritate or fret your children [do not be hard on them or harass them], lest they become discouraged and sullen and morose and feel inferior and frustrated. [Do not break their spirit.] (Col 3:21 AMP)
Parents, don't come down too hard on your children or you'll crush their spirits. (Col 3:21 MSG) As single ladies, can you cope with children or they irritate you? If they do, it is something you need to work on.

6. He does not want you to deny your husband sexual pleasure. Never do this for any reason! It is unwise under any circumstance unless of course you are certain that your husband would transmit STDs as a result of his lifestyle.Many wives have unwittingly
pushed their husbands into the waiting hands of adulterous women by starving their husbands with sex. It is not a wise thing to do. Sex means to your husband much more than it means to you! Let me drive home the point with this illustration. A couple held themselves in a good embrace at night and in a split second the husband is ready for sex and was warming up for that. To his consternation, the wife said “No. “I just wanted you to hold me, that’s all, no sex!” The husband, all worked up went to bed with serious headache. A few days after that, they went on a shopping spree. The wife saw some jewelry, clothes, designer shoes and the husband asked her to pick them all. Then she saw skirt suits, and trouser suits. The husband still said she could pick them. She was enraptured. As they move over to the counter to pay, the husband said, No! I just wanted you to hold them. Hold them tight, that’s all!
As singles ladies, God does not want you in pre-marital sex or making out. What is wrong is wrong!

7. He does not want you to nag or disrespect your husband. Nagging is dangerous to marriage! Every man detests it. It will never work, so don’t resort to it.

8. He does not want you to discuss your husband with others. Never make that mistake. That male colleague that seems to have a listening ear is really looking for ways to take you to bed at the end of the day. With a few exception, though. That other guy with whom both of you exchange marital challenges and how your spouses have not been good is not a good relationship to keep. There would soon be emotional affair and then it will be taken to a physical level if care is not taken.

As single ladies, do not close your eyes to bad and wrong attitude in your fiancée. Every bad and negative tendency you see will leave the level of proclivities and graduate into full bloom after marriage, so in borrowing the Nigerian lingo “shine your eye well!”

Is Masturbation Really a Sin?

I made a solemn pact with myself never to undress a girl with my eyes. (Job 31:1 MSG)

Masturbation is simply defined as “Manual stimulation of the genital organs (of yourself or another) for sexual pleasure.”Singles and married people alike often believe
that there is nothing wrong with masturbation. There is a book that
says, “95 percent of boys masturbate and the remaining 5 percent lied.” Invariably, that is
like saying that everybody masturbates. Today, not just boys, but men, girls and women masturbate. Now, some Christians even do so, and with a lot of excuses why they should. Some offer excuses that since God says ‘Don’t fornicate,” and we really are obeying God, so masturbation must be God’s way of relieving
the pressure build up. Could that be true? Some pastors are as confused about the subject as their members on the issue, and some also pointedly say there is nothing wrong with it. This has sent a confused signal to the body of Christ, thereby making an average
believer who might have been struggling with masturbation to have enough reason to continue. Now, the major issue is that
masturbation is progressive and what satisfied you the last time will not the next time! Today,masturbation has gone to another level from hand stimulation to use of sex toys that were produced for that specific purpose. A lot of folk are addicted to masturbation; they go to bed with dildos, vibrators, and the likes. There are human dolls built to respond like humans, there are several masturbators which are a mockery to the dignity of the Homo Sapien! So, an average believer who has been
told nothing is wrong dabbles into it, and before he knows it, he is hooked on pornography and other perversions, and that is the problem! He will not be satisfied after a while, and this is also why a lot of people found themselves in sickening habits like bestiality, bondage sex and so on! When you
give the devil an inch, he will take a mile! But is it true the New Testament never addressed the issue of masturbation because
God wanted us to masturbate? I don’t think so. As far as I am concerned, that is like saying, “the bible didn’t say we should not cook our rice with rat poison because he wanted us to commit suicide! Now I am going to give you just one scripture. Let’s bear in mind that for one to masturbate: There must be a thought process, a mental
image of a man or woman or sex scene or sex pictures, which one focuses on, and then together with the manual stimulation, that brings one to an orgasm. This then means that for one to masturbate; there has to be a mental undressing of the object/person in question, and a mental sexual experience!

Now here is what Jesus said:
But I say unto you, That whosoever
looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. (Mat 5:28 KJV)

This knocks off masturbation completely. The process that leads to masturbation is what Jesus Christ equated with adultery in the heart! The message is clear! We will stop here today. In coming devotions, we will be discussing more on this subject. If you find yourself in this act, sincerely, God does not condemn you! He would not condone it either! In order for
you to enjoy God's fullness of blessings, He expects you to stay away from sin, so why don't you call upon Him now to help you? He is there waiting to respond to you!

What exactly is true love? How do I know if someone really loves me?

2Sa 13:1-2 KJV
(1) And it came to pass after this, that Absalom the son of David had a fair sister, whose name was Tamar; and Amnon the son of
David loved her.

(2) And Amnon was so vexed, that he fell sick for his sister Tamar; for she was a virgin; and Amnon thought it hard for him to do any thing to her. What exactly is true love? How do I know if a man truly loves me? How do I know if a lady
truly loves me. While putting in mind that there are so many definitions and perceptions of what true love is, it is pertinent
to remind ourselves that true love can only be defined by Scriptural standards. Why is this so? God is love. True love can only comes
from anyone that really knows God. A man that doesn’t know God is incapable of showing true love. He may be caring and nice in your own
standards, but as long as He doesn’t know God, he doesn’t understand the dynamics of true
love. That is why we will be going back into the Bible to see the true definition of love. In our devotion this morning, the story of Amnon
comes to mind. Verse one of the above scripture tells us that Amnon was in love with his sister.
Verse two tells us that she was so vexed with love that he fell sick. It was no longer a soul’s battle, it became rottenness in his bones.
From the above, one will naturally conclude that this is genuine love. What do you think? Was the love genuine? For him to fall sick, he
must really be in love! Isn’t that how some men come around you and truthfully tell you that they can’t eat again, sleep again because
of love? Can we conclude about a man’s love for a woman by virtue of his being “vexed” to the point of sickness?

Look at a few translations:
2Sa 13:2 MSG
Amnon was obsessed with his sister Tamar to the point of making himself sick over her….
Can obsession equal true love?

2Sa 13:2 AMP
And Amnon was so troubled that he fell sick… Can being troubled equal true love?

2Sa 13:2 BBE
And he was so deeply in love that he became ill…
Can being deeply in love equal true love?

2Sa 13:2 NIV
Amnon became frustrated to the point of illness on account of his sister Tamar…
Can being frustrated equal true love?
Well, before we conclude, let’s see what happened   in a few verses away.

2Sa 13:14 KJV
Howbeit he would not hearken unto her voice: but, being stronger than she, forced her, and
lay with her.
Here is Message translation:

2Sa 13:14 MSG
But he wouldn't listen. Being much stronger than she, he raped her.
This couldn’t be true love! How would you rape someone you profess to love? Something
is not quite right there. Sometimes all he wants is sex. That is not love! Sometimes, all she wants is your money, that is not true love! All Amnon wanted was to satisfy that rush of adrenalin. He went so far, thinking he was in love, but once his lust was pacified, love vanished into thin air. Love is willing to wait, lust demands immediate satisfaction. Never forget that. True love will not insist that you compromise your virtue. True love will protect. True love will honour.
True love will respect. So what more is true love? Amnon feigned sickness and deceived his father
True love will not pretend, deceive or trap you. He was never interested in the food. Amnon refused to consider the consequences.
True love is not stupid . True love stands to reason in respect to God’s standard Amnon’s love for Tamar was not natural. It was
incest. True love will not enter into perversion to prove itself. Amnon forced Tamar and raped her, despitevthat Tamar called him ‘brother’ True love will protect. It will not violate your sanctity.
Amnon hated Tamar afterward
True love is not fickle, instant or temporal. It is enduring and lasting. True love does not go back and forth. It is stable. Even when
tried, it still stands strong. I pray for you today, that God will guide you,vlead and help you to differentiate between true love and lust. You will not miss it in Jesus name!

Three things about sex you might not have been told by your parents while growing up

Most parents never discussed sex with their children while growing up. This is not because they didn't want to, but because most parents
find it awkward or embarrassing to bring up such topics. The major challenge here is that children are curious. Whether you teach them
or not, they will probe and learn it.
Once parents do not take their place and rightly inform their children, they will learn it from different avenues. The problem with this is that most of these other places they learn from are defective. They might learn it from
friends who don't know any better. Some others learn it from pornography. The reason why this issue becomes important is that the first encounter with learning about sex either by information or in a pragmatic way will always remain indelible in a young mind.
It is for this reason that parents must take their place and not leave their children to subjective and warped sexualised opinions
rushing at them from all ends.
We must not allow these young minds to have their first lectures on sex from television or films. Become friends with your children.
Don't tell them lies. Lies like if you allow anybody to touch your breast, you will get pregnant. The moment they discover you lied, they will explore more, and they will cease to see you as someone that should be confided in when there are issues. Become your children's
friend.

Here are three things you might not have been told.
1. Pre-marital sex can lead to death
even though it looks harmless.

1 Corinthians 10:8 KJV
Neither let us commit fornication, as some of them committed, and fell in one day three and twenty thousand. It may not even lead to physical death immediately, but the stark reality is that every time you violate your body and the principles of God, something dies in you.

2. Sex is originally meant to be a the blessing of the Wedding Night
A couple's first time is supposed to be a special moment on the wedding night. The two become one flesh as the marriage is
consummated on the wedding night. This special moment comes with its blessing from God.

1 Corinthians 6:16-17 MSG
(16)  There's more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, "The two
become one."
(17)  Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever--the kind of sex that can never "become one." This is important for those who are still virgins to hold on to their virtues in the midst of opposing and contradictory environment. I get
asked a lot of times by young ladies who are virgins how to handle the tremendous pressures they face. If you are no longer a
virgin, this does not mean you will not be blessed. On the contrary, if you stay away from sexual sins, God will make all things new.
God will not exactly turn you into a virgin, but He would not also consult your past in order to determine your future.

3. Sex outside marriage will weaken you. If you continue to live in sexual sin, your spirit through which you contact God will get weaker and weaker. It will eventually dull your sensitivity to the things of the spirit and your
conscience might end up being seared. Once your conscience is seared, you will no longer see anything wrong, and yet, in the spirit realm where you are meant to rule and reign, you will be subdued. Romans 8:13 AMP
For if you live according to [the dictates of] the flesh, you will surely die. But if through the power of the [Holy] Spirit you are
[habitually] putting to death (making extinct, deadening) the [evil] deeds prompted by the
body, you shall [really and genuinely] live forever. Habitual sin will make nonsense of your
placement in God. It will slow you down financially emotionally and spiritually. Stay chaste. Stay away from pre- marital sex or adultery as the case may be. The consequences are too debilitating. If you're already entangled, GOD will not condemn you, run to Him now, He will embrace you with his loving gracious eternal arms and He will save you from sin and this untoward generation.

Understanding sex and the law of progression

Some people seem to believe that
sex is a mysterious thing and that they cannot control themselves. Sex like any other thing that relates to human existence is governed by a law. Understand the law and you are delivered from the trap of sexual sins. (whether you are single or not) Sex and the law of progression states that, “Intimacy will increase between two people who are in love (and the last level of intimacy will no longer satisfy) until a boundary is set to control it.” The law explains the progressive nature of sex. In other words before the sexual act is committed, you have enough time and opportunity to stop or prevent it. The mistake singles or married people make (in case of adultery), is that they set the law in motion and then watch helplessly as the law takes effect. There is always a point of no- return as regards sex. It is a point you get to and you are sexually aroused. At this point all sense of judgement, reasoning and wisdom are dead. Please do not get to this point and start looking for a way out. It is almost too late. Understand that sexual sins are easy to handle if you understand this law and decide NOT to set the law in motion. Nip it in the bud. That is why kissing, (whether French or German) heavy petting and necking, fondling, caressing and the like will get you into trouble. It may not be the first time, but it will eventually. Kissing is like starting a journey whose destination is sex. Do not expect a magic to happen or an angel or a mysterious being to help you pull your pants up when you allowed it to go down. And do not say it is the devil because the devil does not help people undress nor does he
lock doors. Now is the time to take a stand and make a decision. The Bible says’ Flee ‘ all appearances of evil. Flee, do not meddle with
sexual activities nor put yourself in
compromisingly tight situations.
And when the Bible says 'Flee,' it is not the time to say, 'Let us reason together!'

The Real Purpose of Sex

God created sex to be enjoyed within the marital sanctity. The devil took this and perverted that truth. Today, homosexuals and paedophiles are pushing for rights. The truth of God's word is being contested, resisted and opposed like never before. But you see, God's word cannot be bound! In the romantic novels, movies and soap operas, sex is always painted as sweet. In pornographic films, sex is presented as full of ecstasy. This is often presented in the context of cheating, adultery and the likes. All forms of sexual perversion are presented as sweet. What you may not know is that a lot
of porn actresses are drugged to act these parts. After their filming, most of them rush to the conveniences to throw up. They are forced to continue because of the lure of money. People are deceived into believing that fornication, adultery, oral sex, sleeping with a prostitute and the likes are okay. The Bible never disagrees with the short, temporal
sweetness that fornication and adultery may present. Quickie sex with a wrong person, with a married person looks so sweet, but
honey, watch out. The Bible does not mince words. Think about chewing gravel. Yes, sex outside marriage or with the wrong person will bring with it its attendant consequences. This kind of sex will end up in anguish, bitterness,
guilt, dirty feelings and so much more. Cheating on your spouse may look fun or sweet especially when you trying to get back at
your spouse, but you are planting seeds, and when your harvest comes, you wouldn’t have nice time. As a single, you give in to the pressure of sex because you want to keep him? You will eventually lose him, because God’s principles
have been violated. Stop opening your legs, life and destiny to people you hardly know! You can patiently wait to give yourself to that right person, and oh what a joy! If you are already sexually active, it is not too late to repent and ask God to restore you. That is the beautiful thing about God, You can start again in Him. If you are married, please enjoy sex to its
fullest. Never deny your spouse of sex. Real sweet sex can only be found in the marriage context, and how sweet, fulfilling, enriching
and empowering it is. Conclusively, you should know that God will
not judge us generally, so what the trends are and what most people are doing is not a license to join them. We will be judged individually. The implication for this is that God still expects you to follow His principles and other it right, not only to make heaven
and have eternal life, but to have victory here on earth and also to enjoy the maximum blessings that God has for you. I pray for you this day, that every distractions be removed from your way in Jesus name! I pray that God will send that very help you need your way today to help you stay on side of God. You will not miss God's best for your life in Jesus name!

Choosing A Life Partner

Choosing a life partner is the biggest decision you'll make outside of choosing to accept Jesus Christ as Savior. I've met with scores of couples for premarital counseling through the years. And one of the first points I try to get across to them is that "desire" does not equal love. Desire may be illustrated by a young
person who tells you they can't live without you, that they're miserable, and that life seems colorless and empty when you're not around. That may be a form of love, but it's not the sort of love that will hold a marriage together through the years. While they may feel they "need" you today, it's possible that five months
from now you'll no longer meet their "need," and they'll find that they "need" someone else. What I tell these young couples is that love is based on commitment, and that everything you do is to fulfill, satisfy, and
serve the one you love. Real love doesn't enter a relationship with an expectation to just receive. It enters a relationship to give and give and give. Let me illustrate how deceptive the world's definition of "love" can be. Picture a young couple who has been dating for a few weeks. It isn't long before this young man tells his girlfriend how much he loves her and how difficult it is to keep his hands off her. Pressing her to engage in a
physical relationship, he explains that he "loves her so much" he can no longer restrain himself, he want to defile her through fornication (which many people refer to as premarital sex). The truth is, any young woman who hears that line should realize that the young man doesn't love her too much... he loves her too little. Actually, he's not thinking about her. He's only thinking about himself. He would never rob innocence and purity from one he truly loves. His insistence on a physical relationship only proves one thing: he loves himself much more than he loves her. What really brings peace to a relationship? How do you choose a marriage partner? Let me leave you with just a few thoughts.

Make sure your life partner loves God more than he or she loves you. Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" (Matthew 22:37-39, NIV) It is so important to observe your partner's love for God. Why? Because in time, the way he or she loves and serves Him will be reflected in the way he or she loves and serves you.

Make sure your life partner is a person of character: "Blessed are they whose ways are blameless, who walk according to the law of the Lord." (Psalm 119:1, NIV) Men and women of character are trustworthy in all they do and have an appetite for righteousness. They will keep their word no matter what the cost. Make sure your life partner is kind to others: "And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you." (Ephesians 4:32, NKJV) If you don't see your partner treat others
with kindness and grace, in time he or she will be treating you the same way.

Make sure to note the way your life partner dresses. "And I want women to be modest in their appearance. They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes. For women who claim to be devoted to God should make themselves attractive by the good things they do." (1 Timothy 2:9-10, NLT) I'm not saying your partner should wear a gunnysack and combat boots to cover herself. I'm just saying the modest things she wears reveal a lot about her heart. Make sure your life partner treats his or her parents with honor and respect: "Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise." (Ephesians 6:2, NKJV) I have never yet met a young person who is truly successful or blessed who doesn't love his or her parents.

Make sure your life partner is respected by others: "Choose a good reputation over great riches, for being held in high esteem is better than having silver or gold." (Proverbs 22:1, NLT) Be wise about how you do this, but I would recommend that you discreetly ask a few people what they have observed about the person you're considering. Pay as much attention to their hesitations as to their words!

Make sure your life partner is not flirtatious: "Smooth words may hide a wicked heart, just as a pretty glaze covers a common clay pot." (Proverbs 26:23, NLT) A person's actions and looks speak volumes, so be advised, Son, and be wise.

Make sure you understand the true priorities of your life partner's life: "Don't let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you teach, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity." (1 Timothy 4:12, NLT) Watch closely to see signs of your partner's love, faith, and purity. Has this person put God first? Does this person live to serve others? Is this person selfish?

Make sure you know whom your life partner's close friends are: "Do not be misled. 'Bad company corrupts good character.'" (1 Corinthians 15:33, NIV)

Make sure your life partner is not contentious or violent: "Better a meal of vegetables where there is love than a fattened calf with hatred." (Proverbs 15:17, NIV) If you're picking up a lot of unhappiness or anger in this person, then be warned in advance.

Make sure you ask the Lord for discernment. "Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul... May your good Spirit lead me on level ground." (Psalm 143:8,10, NIV) "Trust in the lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6, NLT)

Make sure you pray, pray, pray: "Show me the path where I should walk, O lord; point out the right road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you." (Psalm 25:4-5, NLT)

May God help you in Jesus name.

By
Pastor Bimbo Odukoya

Before You Get Married Part 6

Whenever we have a church full, 99.9 present would have come for one problem or the other. Some may have lost their jobs; others have shaky marriages or have been driven to seek for God because of bad health or unfruitful business. Time has come for men to look at marriage the way God looks at marriage and bringing out the high points of the Bible, showing people what the Bible says and that is that a day will come in the last minute when people will have itchy ears and not be willing to listen to sound doctrines. A man that is not happy with his marriage will think of changing his partner and we are saying that the Bible is opposed to it because you don’t change your partner or your spouse 1 Cor 7:12-13 . Rom 7:3 . Instead, you change yourself because to change your partner will take you changing yourself. It is amazing how men and women try to bind others because they feel they are the proper demon they see troubling their life. If you intend to marry a woman who has no emotion, no bad attitude, no problem then we should have ordered for a robot. Therefore, do not marry a man to reform him. That is what reform schools are for, the psychiatric and the insane hospitals will help you. Boy oh boy, what counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility. Do you know that it is sometimes essential for a husband and a wife to quarrel because they get to know each other better? We should also know that a good marriage is the union of two good forgivers. Men and brethren, a man and his wife are one. God does not recognize a man and his wife as two entities. God sees them as one. Gen 2:24 . I have seen couples after getting married there are no more elements of surprise gifts. The last gift they gave each other was their wedding ring. We should have elements of surprises in marriage and gifts that will encourage the other person. But when people are hardly surprised, when people lose their capacity for emotion, then, they have become lepers because a leper has no ability to feel any pain and God uses pain to correct and instruct people. When your nerves are all dead, you are as dead as the dead. In marriage it is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages; we should daily desire that God will heal and strengthened our marriages. Healing is restoration. Healing is God restoring the nerves of the leper and giving him the ability to feel things and to feel pain and feel cold. Healing is God restoring the gift He gave you at the beginning which you have lost through ill-health, through wrong companionship or through carelessness and recklessness. That is what we call healing and it is restoration which translates to God giving you what you lost. Healing is God granting you creative ideas to make your marriage a heaven on earth. It is therefore interesting to note that all weddings are similar, but every marriage is different, when your friends comes and tell you how sweet her marriage is, most of us will go home to create third world war in our homes. Learn to trust your partner and trust God. Anything that causes us to turn to God and lean harder on Him is an asset, not a liability. Your wife or husband is not a liability as some people think. Marriage is that relation between man and woman in which the independence is equal, the dependence mutual, and the obligation reciprocal. The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. How often do we communicate with each other, ultimately the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or in friendship, is conversation. Each decision we take everyday is conceived from one of two sources; the flesh or the spirit. As such we must be alert and seek God’s guidance. The enemy may come in different guises to sidetrack us to destabilize our marriage but God will never disappoint those who put their trust in Him and have circumcised their ears and thoughts. Depend on Him in your marriage and believe in His timing, don’t rush into marriage because of peer or family pressure. He made the world out of nothing and needs no help to fix and give you a future.

Before Getting Married Part 5

You cannot love others except you have given your life to Christ. No man can be a faithful husband if he has not given his life to Christ. Only God can compel the husband to love his wife and to love her unconditionally and love her all the time and love her all the days of his life. Only a man who has surrendered his life to
Christ can love others: can honour others, can respect others. And appreciate and celebrate them.
A humble man is a man who has forgotten who he is and says I am what I am by the grace of God. A woman who knows how to give thanks to God; nothing dies in her hands, because God will turn
her decomposed Lazarus into a recomposed Lazarus. Every family must be grateful to God for his many mercies, therefore when you appreciate God, your marriage will appreciate. When you celebrate God In your marriage, you become a celebrity. In marriage your face is the black board that the other person’s
reads while your heart is the black board that God reads; so you must learn to smile and have some moment of laughter. A man should make the wife laugh at least three times a day. Every family must learn how to invest in Gods project, because God will come back and invest in your life. Marriage should be a strong
cultivation of two people who are intimate friends. Friends that can step on another’s toes without removing their shine; friends when one has messed up, will still love themselves; friends that would not leave themselves even when everyone has abandoned; friends when they are in need, will give up everything
and make sure that in one accord needs are supplied; friends that will pray first for the other even before praying for himself. The bible calls it ‘A friend that is greater and better than a brother. Prov 27:10 . Men and brethren, responsibility is the price of greatness. No man is qualified to possess what he did not
pursue. A man who desires a beautiful woman must be ready to make her body shine 24 hours a day. The scripture expects us to befriend a covenant principle In ourmarriage and you will not depend on
others for help. “Now therefore, if you will indeed obey My voice and keep My covenant, then you shall be a special treasure to Me above all people”; Exodus 19:5 In the school of marriage, every solution begins with the gift of knowing ‘how’ because God created each and every one of us on purpose for a purpose; so none of us is an accident without a unique destiny. Therefore, when the battles of life gets tough, when the enemy blocks every access road against you, when the enemy hedges you in or aims you in, when you come to a place where you sit on a particular door and cry and that door remains lock; You must learn how to call
for reinforcement by raising a song Hear this “My husband would always advised us to pray for divine favour before stepping out of the house for it will automatically make the impossible possible. As a result, I have watched my husband enjoy some unbelievable favours. While attending a Pentecostal conference in Switzerland we ran short of funds. But as we ate one morning, a stranger who could not speak a word of English walked up to us and began to shout Hallelujah! Apparently that was a way of telling us he was a Christian. He handed over an envelope to my husband, it contained $2000” Pastor Mrs P. Uma
Therefore never despise what you do not understand because it takes more than one colour to make a rainbow. It is therefore time to combine your creative thinking to creative praying and creative doing because in your marriage, your red sea is about to be turn into a red carpet.

Dr Uma Ukpai

Before Getting Married Part 4

Men and brethren, you must deal with the weakness of your father’s house before you transfer it into your marriage. Realising that only the Holy Spirit can help us with our weakness. You must be prepared to love unconditionally. Begin from your own house, a man must love his wife. You must love your husband. Your husband may be the biggest idiot around you; the bible commands you to love him. Your wife may be the worst demon, but love her. Your love can change him or her. You must learn to be truthful in your marriage, don’t use one another’s weakness as a weapon of war when you have slight misunderstanding. Ask God for grace and wisdom to deal with every confusion and problems in your marriage. Every lie needs another lie to cover the first lie; therefore we must learn to be truthful, even when it hurts. Crisis most times strengthens relationship. It tells us that we are human. Our needs are not many, therefore as much as you can let us
live a simple life. There are things that are not beneficial even though we look for those things. Avoid whatever will lure you into sin, things that can cause depression in your marriage or gossips that can ruin a relationship. In all the battles we fight in life, you either win or lose in your mind. The mind is the ultimate source of creation. When you think about negative things, negative things will begin to happen in your life and marriage. When your partner makes you angry don’t dwell on that anger. In marriage we must
cultivate the habit of saying SORRY, PLEASE and THANK you.Until you appreciate your partner, your marriage and life will not appreciate. When your husband comes suddenly and call you stupid, remind him that you were so stupid and that was why you married him. You must find a way to communicate your
feelings without creating confusion. In my days as a single preacher, after witnessing the power of God, the girl who invited me to that service said to me no other girl would marry you but me and if you say no
I will shoot you and shoot myself. So I was forced to go into one month fast, wanting to escape that trap and God delivered me. God showed me my wife in a revelation. Because we are from the same village I just told God you made a wrong choice; you should have asked me who is a good girl and it is not this girl. I
did not want to tell her. In the first place, she was young at 25 years then. I didn’t want to marry a baby. As far as I know, 25 years is what you call the end of the age of confusion. I waited for two years but I told God I would marry her only on one condition. She had written a book she called, Mother I have found a man. She walked up to me and asked me what I would do if God revealed a girl to me. I told her I will tell the girl to apply and she retorted: ‘Don’t you think you are arrogant?’ I replied, ‘No just say I have
self-respect; being a preacher if I propose to you now you’ll tell the whole world that the man of God is chasing me. Then she said what if I’m the girl? I said to her; then tell me you are the person. She wrote a very beautiful book and was very honest. She said God had revealed to her that I will be her husband. We have been married for 35 years and we have quarrelled only twice; being a confirmation, an affirmation and
attestation that she was the right choice.
By
Dr Uma Ukpai.

Before Getting Married Part 3

“Men and brethren, there are demons that won’t let your marriage function. The worst in the kingdom of marriage is to be married to someone who will turn your life to a hell on earth. Boy oh boy, I don’t know what is worse in life than marrying a man who hates you and a woman who does not like you. A woman who still prefers her old boyfriend, she still dreams about him, even though she is in your house. Every time you come close to her, she compares you with that old boyfriend and says to herself, I wish I had married that boy. And to her anything she does to you is done out of pity, not because you deserve it. Sometimes you asked for breakfast, she will ask you if you have no hand. A woman who will kill you easily is a woman who when you have come back from the day’s hard job and right at the door; you are welcomed with issues and
problems instead of water or food. A wife who cannot stop the husband from working too hard or cultivating the habit of rest will soon be a widow. One of my Pastor’s friends wrote in his will that if anything happens to him, that I should be the one to preach in his funeral! He died because he had refused to cultivate the rest culture. When I came to the funeral, I raised millions of naira for the family’s upkeep. The wife shouted please Reverend let us also go to Ibadan to raise more money? I told her to shut up, where was she when she refused to stop my friend from overworking. A woman who is killing the husband by slow motion
is a woman who intentionally and unintentionally confronts the man at the wrong time and wrong places. In the book of 2 Samuel 6:16 , the scriptures gave us an insight of a woman who fell in love with the killer of Goliath, Saul’s daughter according to the word loved David ‘but she despised him in her heart’ when he saw him rejoicing that God had granted him success. We know the results; the bible says she was cursed.
“Therefore Michal the daughter of Saul had no children to the day of her death” Verse 23. Marriage is not a competition of who had achieved things more the other. Heaven can open door for the woman more than the man but she must learn to still be submissive as ordained by God. It takes wisdom to build a good marriage
that others will call a heaven on earth. Do not be deceived to choose to be an imitator of other people’s marriage, some Africa marriages you see are mostly people smiling with their teeth opened, but by the time you get closer, you will discover how badly it stinks. Marriage is ordained by God and the devil is not happy when you are happy” to be contd....

By
Dr Uma Ukpai

Ten Tips to Having a Healthy Marriage

1. Be Appreciative- Tell your spouse that you appreciate him/her and everything he/ she do for you, even the small things.

2. Be Committed- stand strong in your commitment to save your marriage and make it healthy again. If you don't stand up for your own marriage, who will? God
gives you more strength than you can ever imagine.

3. Be Communicative- Keep those lines of communication open with your spouse. Talk to him/her daily and just discuss family matters and matters of the heart with him/her. It shows inclusion and promotes openness. You should also make your requests known to God, who will hear your prayers and help you in your walk to
have a healthy marriage.

4. Be Encouraging- Say words of
encouragement to your spouse. When he/ she do something great, tell him/her that he/she did a great job or good work. It can
only encourage him/her to keep pleasing you, right?

5. Be Genuine- In your communications, have a spirit of genuineness and not sighing, pouting or complaining about
something. If you have been with him/her long enough, he/she will detect if you are genuine or just doing it for self gain. Do it in love!

6. Be Fearless- Don't be afraid to try new things in your marriage to make it more enjoyable. Go someplace new (even if it's to a new park or restaurant), try a new
bedroom move (just don't hurt yourself), try a new perfume/cologne to entice your spouse (or as the old timers used to say, a
new "come and get me sauce"). Just don't be afraid to do it. This is YOUR spouse and you are entitled to have a great time with them. And the best thing about it is "IT'S
100% LEGAL!

7. Be Fun- Did you ever have fun with your spouse early on in your marriage or during the engagement stage? I know you both
hung out and took walks in the park, went to the beach, baseball games, basketball games, plays, movies, etc. You did things
that were fun and enjoyable for both of you. So why do you think that you can't still have fun because you are married now?

8. Be Honest- Be sincere and truthful in your communications. If you are worried or hurting about something, talk about it honestly. You know when the door is opened for that honest communication
with your spouse, so don't be afraid to do it.

9. Be Humorous- Didn't you ever laugh when you were dating your spouse? Surely somebody cracked a joke or two in the relationship. You cannot tell me that you didn't laugh at jokes, movies, falling down, getting up or just silly things. But you know, those things gave you both hope and lightened the load of just being in a relationship. Remember, laughter is good
relationship medicine and should be practiced as often as you can do it.

10. Be a Listener- There are times when our spouses just want a listening ear. Don't be too busy to be a listener when your spouse needs to talk. You did talk all night
when you were dating right? The difference now is that you don't tell him/her to go home and come back tomorrow, because you are living under the same household.
Lend that ear to him/her and they will cherish it! Now I didn't mention prayer specifically
because that should be a given in any relationship. Praying about your situation and how to handle it should be first and foremost in your marriage; period! Remember this, if you are not fulfilling your role as the spouse that God wants you to be, someone else will be happy to try and fill it for you. Don't let that happen in your marriage. Take Charge of what you
need to do to keep your marriage healthy. Just put forth the effort first and allow God to lead you the rest of the way.

Before Getting Married Part Two

Marriage was designed and ordained by God for our good and pleasure. But since the fall of Adam and Eve, marriage has gotten complicated and in some cases, it has turned out to be what the couple never expected, nor what parents had in mind when they celebrated the journey of the two. Some marriages has become so
sour that the partners live in fear and tear or as enemies. Others have planned, hardened their hearts and eliminated their former ‘sweethearts’ and ‘honey’. We all, I guess must have heard or seen ‘darling’ couples who are now enemies, hating each other more than words can describe. But despite this, people get married every day. There are those who are fasting and praying, willing to go to any length to find a wife or husband. They do not take into consideration all the negative stories thy must have heard. Meanwhile, there are those who wish that God had approved divorce and or made a law permitting people to go their separate ways at the least provocation. Such have stayed married just to appease their church or their circle of friends. Left
to them, their marriage would have been dissolved years back. In retrospect, we say that marriage is like a besieged city; some who are married would wish they could rewind the clock and become free again; while some who are single are desiring without respite, that they would find the Prince or Princess and live happily ever after. Nevertheless, since God designed marriage, there are many who are enjoying it and thank God daily for His wisdom in instituting marriage and giving them the man or woman of their heart. Where do you belong?

By
Dr Uma Ukpai

Before Getting Married Part One

I will spend time once every week to show you the mechanics and the dynamics and the kingdom nuggets by revelation and testimonies of the secret of being happy and staying happy while single before getting married. Men and brethren, marriage is a besieged city, those inside wants to jump out and those outside wants to jump in. I have expanded earlier on the intents and the contents of SECRET OF HAPPY MARRIAGE because anyone who is not happy while single cannot be happy when married.We shall look at the arithmetic of romance and how you can serve God while single and happily doing so until you find your Prince or Princess. The scripture says he that finds a wife, finds a good thing. And obtains favour from the lord. Prov 18:22 . Which means to be married is transference of anointing of favour from one level to another. This time from being single to marriage level, blessing both parties. Some questions that needs to be answered includes but not limited to; Why do people live in debt after marriage? Why do Christians borrow to marry and live in debt after? Do you need to be comfortable in life before you get married? Or do we need to be stupidly poor, so that God can favour us after we get married? First, Let us look at the definition of finding. To find is in the same context with seek in Mathew 7:7 .Therefore, to find is to come upon sometimes by accident, to come upon or discover by searching or making effort. To find is also to discover or ascertain through observation, experience or study. To find can also be to perceive to be,after consideration. To find is to regain, recover to succeed in reaching, to obtain, to acquire by effort, to decide on and make declaration about. To find can also be to bring oneself to an awareness of what one truly wishes to be, to have and do in life. To find is also to perceive oneself to be in a specific place or condition through the direction of the Holy Spirit. As a young person, who is in love with a girl or a boy; you dream beautiful dreams but be prepared that after the wedding you will know that love is blind, but marriage is an eye opener. There are things you must put in place. Anybody who dreamt of a marriage and got married and found that the wife will not obey his command and got disappointed because she did not obey his command is a sick man. It amazes me when people ask us to pray for them that God will give them a man or woman who is like them. Boy oh boy, marriage is a union of two opposites. A man that says stand up and a woman that says why must we stand up; a man who likes garri and a woman who likes rice; a man who likes clothes and a woman who has no interest in clothes. It is this mixture of two opposites that will give marriage, life and progress. Are you getting married because of your family’s pressure? Is it because you want to prove a point to your friends or enemies that you can be married?” To be continued..

By
Dr Uma Ukpai

Abuse: Five Signs That You Are Dating An Abusive Man

Abuse in relationships is all too common. Once you are in a committed relationship with someone who is abusive, you will find that it is harder to get out of it than when you are dating. This is because you begin to experience a crisis of self-doubt and low self-esteem the longer you are in the relationship. The best thing to do is to pay attention to signs that you are dating an abusive man and end the relationship as soon as you figure it out. Here are five signs that you are dating an abusive man:
1. He's possessive. He wants you to spend your time exclusively with him. He is jealous of your friends and family and discourages you from being with them. He attempts to pull you away from them by putting them down and putting a wedge between you and them. He texts you constantly and gets upset, if you don't answer right away. He always wants to know where you are and what you are doing and questions you about it.
2. He's got a master mentality. He talks a lot of submission and the roles husband and wife should have. He talks negatively about women and their abilities and characteristics.He makes statements that reflect his view that women have their "place" and that women want to rule over men. (You may have to listen to subtle cues on this, if he isn't being completely open yet with his comments.)
3. He's too serious too fast. If he loves you right away, wants to spend all his time with you right away,walks into your life and "takes care of you," he may be exhibiting controlling behavior rather than caring for you. Be careful, if you are looking for someone to fall in love with and a partner to help you with your responsibilities financially and otherwise,
because you may be vulnerable with someone who walks into your life and takes over-too much.
4. He's got you walking on eggshells. If you are already noticing that you are afraid to tell him things because of his reaction, then you are already reacting to the abusive nature, even though it might be subtle at this point. If you are afraid of his reaction when you tell him no, are late, cancel plans, share an opinion, turn down an offer, don't answer his call, or argue with him, then you are already sensing the anger and control.
5. He's got you questioning yourself. If he blames you when things go wrong, shames you for making mistakes, interrogates you to get explanations, or makes you feel crazy when you disagree with him, then you are beginning to feel the common self-doubt and invalidation that is a part of abuse. Abusive men cannot take criticism and comments about their behavior. They are defensive and attacking and use techniques to turn it back on to you. You will notice yourself replaying conversations and events and wondering if you really did and said what he
perceived.
When you see these five signs (and you don't have to have all of them), you are dating an abusive man. You will spare yourself a lot of trouble, if you get out before you get entrenched. God doesn't want you to be abused or controlled; he wants you to be loved and cherished.

Maintaining Clear Boundaries in Courtship

You know the story.

Girl meets guy. Guy woos girl....says stuff like, "You're just so beautiful," and "I can't believe how wonderful you are," and "Other guys were fools not to see how much you ____," and so on.

Guy is not exactly the ideal of godliness, and he may even have some habits and behavioral tendencies that would make even the weakest believer cringe, but girl does not care.

She knows in her heart that guy is not really all that bad, and more than that, because she's strong in faith, they will work as a couple with her taking the spiritual lead.

She knows better than to end up in bed with him - that commandment is as clear as day in her mind. There's no way she'd break that rule.

Yeah right.

And so the story goes. First she lets him kiss her, then she finds herself making out on the couch, and the next thing she knows, she's dealing with a whole load of shame, if not an unplanned pregnancy.

No, I'm not cynical. Yet I do see an increasing number of women pass through our labor & delivery unit without a wedding band, and many claim to be professing Christians. So how do they end up there, when the Scripture is so explicitly clear on the matter?

Paul gives us a direct admonition regarding the life of faith in I Corinthians 10:12 - "Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall." (NKJV) This Scripture reflects the classic warning in Proverbs: "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall" (Proverbs 16:18 NKJV).The first reason why a woman, or anyone for that matter, falls into a pattern of sin, has to do with her self-perception. She ignores the warnings about dating someone weak in the faith (or not at all in the faith) and says to herself, I am an exception - I will be able to resist sin.

My sisters, the Bible speaks very clearly to this condition: "Do not be unequally yoked," (II Corinthians 6:14 NKJV) which in plain English means Do Not Be Unequally Yoked!

The moment we think that we can resist sin by our own willpower or holiness, we fall into a trap laid quite ingeniously for us by the enemy. Galatians 6:1 warns, "Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted." (NKJV, emphasis mine) We cannot afford to think more highly of ourselves than we ought to think (Romans 12:3) - such pride stands in the way of God's help. Over and over the Bible states that God resists the proud and gives grace to the humble (Proverbs 3:34). We cannot afford to think that we will not fall when placed into the same situation - Jesus warns in Matthew 7:1-2 that the very thing we judge in another will be judged in our own life.

A sober, humble view of ourselves is the first way to resist sin in this area. Even if I have guarded my heart for years and refused to date anyone who might drag me down spiritually, if I believe for one second that I can make an exception just once and that I will not fall away, I place myself directly into that trap. Over and over I have seen different friends make that fateful decision despite warnings from all the believers around them, and over and over again they fall - every single time.

God has placed His body around us for our protection and to spur us on in the faith. Allow the believers around you to speak into your life. On our own, we may easily slip up, but with the admonitions of those around us (as long as we actually listen) we may steady our feet on the path of righteousness.

Secondly, we must resist the temptation to believe that the world has anything to offer us that would excel the glory of following Christ. Many women who make the choice to date someone outside the faith mistakenly believe that God is withholding from them - that they are missing something wonderful that their heart longs to experience. Surely God would not withhold a relationship from them, especially if it makes them happy!

James 4:1-10 addresses the issue of following after worldly desires:

Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves. You lust for what you don't have and are willing to kill to get it. You want what isn't yours and will risk violence to get your hands on it. You wouldn't think of just asking God for it, would you? And why not? Because you know you'd be asking for what you have no right to. You're spoiled children, each wanting your own way. You're cheating on God. If all you want is your own way, flirting with the world every chance you get, you end up enemies of God and his way. And do you suppose God doesn't care? The proverb has it that "he's a fiercely jealous lover." And what he gives in love is far better than anything else you'll find. It's common knowledge that "God goes against the willful proud; God gives grace to the willing humble." So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he'll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it's the only way you'll get on your feet. (James 4:1-10 The Message)

When we "flirt with the world" we risk that intimate friendship with God that brings righteousness and life. We have heard that God can satisfy our longings: "For He satisfies the longing soul, and fills the hungry soul with goodness" (Psalm 107:9 NKJV). Desiring to seek that satisfaction through the ways of the world only brings hurt and destruction!

Remember Abraham, who waited over 25 years for the fulfillment of the promise - when he tried to make it happen on his own, he created a whole mess that carries on in the Middle East even into the present day. God still fulfilled His promise to Abraham, however, and will fulfill every promise to us today (I Corinthians 1:20). If we hold onto those promises He has made, and resist the passions of the world, we will experience the joy of peaceful obedience to the One who satisfies the soul.

Sisters, I know that many of you long for the love of a man. God knows that deep desire of your heart, and even put that there Himself. He knows the very person that is created to match you perfectly. In His own time, God will bring you together.

God desires that you and I will come to Him and seek Him to fulfill the desires of our hearts! He joyfully longs to bless those who ask Him: "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!" (Matthew 7:7-11 NKJV)

While you wait for His answer, though, you must make boundaries clear in your life. Seek that humility that God draws close to, and throw away every desire for the world. Only then can you make decisions with a pure conscience.

May we all honor God in everything we do!

Written by
Leah Nichols

Christian Relationship Help: How toHonor and Respect Parents Who Aren'tHonorable or Respectable

Are you looking for Christian relationship help to guide you in how to honor and respect parents who aren't honorable or respectable? One of the Ten Commandments given by God is to honor your mother and father and it came with the promise that the Israelites would live long in their land (Exodus 20:12 ). "Honor"

means to show proper respect and value. It isn't difficult to figure out how to honor and respect parents that behave honorably and respectably, but how do you honor and respect parents that don't act that way?

Many parents live in a way that isn't responsible. They overspend and incur huge debts. They don't plan appropriately for the future and end up in a situation where they need money for basic necessities. They have addictions to drugs, alcohol, gambling, and shopping. They are verbally and emotionally abusive to you, your siblings, your other parent, and your children. They may have divorced your mother or father and are now living with or married to someone who isn't your biological parent and worse yet, someone you don't like or respect. They may also have been bad parents when raising you and your siblings and have never repented. These and other problems are all too common today, yet Christians still feel they need to abide by the biblical mandate. Here are ways you can honor a dishonorable parent: Refuse to enable bad behavior. Honoring does not require children to enable parents to continue bad behavior. It doesn't honor parents to do things that ultimately hurt them, the relationship with you, and others. When you honor someone, you want what is best for them because you value them enough to care. Refusing to enable unhealthy choices is

investing in your parent's long-term good and acting in a way that increases the chance that positive changes will be made. Speak respectfully when confronting. Treating your parents with respect doesn't mean you can't confront them with the truth. The temptation might be to confront them with the deluge of resentment and anger you have stored up for years. Instead, you speak to them at the appropriate time in the appropriate way. Talk to them alone rather than in front of other people. Let them know that the problems are hurting your relationship with them and that you want the relationship to be better. Don't talk down to them or treat them abusively or with contempt. Accept your part in the problem by owning your own perceptions, opinions, experiences, and feelings. Recognize that your parents have the right to make choices for themselves as adults and so do you. Don't tell them what to do, manipulate, or threaten. Do the things you can. There are some things you cannot do: give money when the money isn't going to be spent wisely

or is hurting you and your immediate family; tolerate abusive behavior toward you or your spouse and children; allow someone who is high or intoxicated in your home; allow someone to live with you who will disrupt your home and not respect your boundaries; or anything else that is enabling. You can't do these types of things but you can visit the person in other settings; remember holidays; help with things that are for your parent's good and do things that you would normally do for them. Honoring and respecting your parents

doesn't require you to tolerate and condone unacceptable behavior nor does it require you to allow them to do anything they want in your home and to you. It simply means that you treat your parents as people who you care about and value enough to make a stand for what is right and what is good for your long-term relationship.

Seven Things Every Married Couple Needs To Learn To Say.

Learn to Say, "I Love You!" This seems be a given, but it is not said enough in today's marriages. You may
indeed love your mate,but say it anyway. Say it every day. Say it several times a day. Don't be like the fellow who responded to his wife's query if he loved her by saying, "I told you I loved you when I married you. If I ever change my mind, I'll let you know." Don't do that. Learn to Say, "Let's Talk!" This is very essential. Communication is the key to any relationship. If you don't talk, you'll struggle to assure your spouse. People believe that if there is something in your heart, then it'll come out though your mouth. If you really care, say you do. Talk about things. Work out your differences. Talk. It is words backed up with our actions that bring the most security to someone else. One without the other just fosters doubt.

Learn to Say, "I Need You!" Never say, "I don't need you." A marriage is about needing each other. It is about being greater than the sum of our parts. To not need your spouse is a problem. But more than simply needing each other learn to say it to each other. My wife and I are part of a whole. I honestly don't know what I'd do without her. But feeling this way is not as important as telling her that I need her. There is great security that comes from knowing that you're needed, that you aren't superfluous.

Learn To Say, "I Admire You." Men have a need to be admired as one would admire a hero. Women need to be admired as one would admire beauty or something very precious. Maybe you haven't figured it out by now ladies, but your husband has an ego. He loves it when you stroke that ego. He loves to be thought of as capable, strong, the knight in shining armor if you will. And women need their husbands to admire their beauty, personality, and general presence. Men like that too and women sometimes like to be admired for their capability as well. But in all cases, it is clear; we need our spouse to admire us.

Learn to Say, "Thank You!" Everyone likes to know that their efforts were appreciated. When someone does something for you say, "Thank you." Don't take what your wife does or your husband does for granted. If the husband goes to work each day, don't just take that effort for granted. If your wife works, takes care of the kids, fixes meals, or whatever she does, don't take it for granted. Say, "Thank you." Gratitude and appreciation go a long way to strengthen any marriage.

Learn to Say, "Please." Saying "Please" shows respect. Everyone needs to feel a measure of respect. When someone asks instead of demands it, it shows respect for the individual as well as the individual's time and feelings. Respect is best shown through the words you say. They demonstrate recognition of the other person. Your spouse will be much more willing to help and do things for you if he or she feels respected by you.

Learn to Say, "I'm Sorry." Every husband has hurt his wife. Every wife has hurt her husband. Learn to say, "I'm sorry." Not in a flippant, arrogant manner, but with sincerity and honesty. There are too few apologies in marriages. Mostly, when we mess up or hurt someone we don't apologize, we just pretend it didn't happen. But that sends the wrong message. When you don't apologize, you indicate that you don't care. Trust me, that is not a message you want to send unless you want more conflict. Even if you don't feel that you were in the wrong, apologizing for your part in the problem will go a long way. Learn to say these seven things to each other and they will help build your marriage.

Written By
Greg Baker

Marriage Secret-Success Secret To Husband And Wife Relationship

In a husband and wife relationship, thefirst desire of the couple is to have a successful marriage. But many areignorant of the success secret to a "heaven on earth" marital life. Marriage is to be enjoyed and not endured. Lay hands on the marriage secrets and you will have memorable story to tell generations after you. This article talks about one marriage secret that will change your attitude towards your spouse for the better.
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered 1 Peter 3:7 (KJV) Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge Hebrews 13:4 (KJV) And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as
ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me Matthew 25:40 (KJV)
In a husband and wife relationship, ability to honour one another is a virtue that a couple should have if they are to enjoy a successful marriage. Honouring one another among other things ensures that your prayers are not hindered. But then what is the yard-stick for honouring your spouse? One major success secret is to honour your spouse as you honour God. This is the yard-stick. It is an act of worship unto God when you honour your spouse because he/she is a creation of God. God instituted marriage and He being a God of
honour expects you to honour marriage by honouring your spouse. Whatever you do to your spouse, do it as
unto God. When you respond to or react against your spouse know that you have done it to God. Imbibing this truth and walking in it will help you to weigh whatever you want to say or do to your spouse before you do so: you will be able to determine whether your proposed action will honour God or not. This marriage secret in a husband and wife relationship will help you to do what is right to your spouse even if you think
he/she does not deserve it. Also, honouring your spouse as unto God will help you not to feel used by your spouse. You will walk in love with excitement towards your spouse knowing that it pleases God.
Now, your own benefits for walking in this success secret are as follows: Your relationship with God will be intact because you are obedient to His instructions. The enemy won't be able to attack your marriage. Your spouse is provoked to honour you too as unto God Successful marriage will ultimately be your portion.
You will become a role model both to your children and other people who desire to honour God and enjoy their husband and wife relationship. In conclusion, it is possible to enjoy a "heaven on earth" marital life. Act on this marriage secret and the wine in your marriage will never run out. Even a dying relationship revives following this success secret.

4 Powerful Weapons To Overcoming Sexual Temptation

I don’t know how much you know about overcoming sexual temptation and whether you are a Christian or not. But I know that whoever you are, whatever you have done and wherever you might be, victory over sexual temptation is possible with God’s help. It’s unfortunate when a person’s career comes to an end due to sexual scandal or when one dies to sexually transmitted diseases or when a family breaks up due to infidelity or when a man is bound by chains of pornography or/and masturbation. Indeed, there are many
casualties of sexual accidents, and I won’t want any man or woman to go through the pain, the shame, the loss of reputation and money, yet a way to victory is available. Allow me to share with you 4 powerful weapons to overcome sexual temptation.

Weapon #1: Acknowledge Your Weakness Before God In Prayer. None of us can overcome any temptation except for the enablement of God through the power of the Holy Spirit. On our own we are wretched and powerless to overcome the power and deception of sin. But accepting Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour the power of sin is broken in our lives. He then helps us to overcome. He himself went through ALL the temptations we face but did not sin. So he understands what we feel. Therefore, when you approach God in prayer, tell him how you feel. Pour out your heart to him –the guilt, the shame, the failures, the urges – and ask him to help you overcome. When you humble yourself before God, he will give you the
grace to overcome. "Keep watch and pray, so that you you will not give in to temptation. For the spirit is willing but the body is weak.

Weapon #2: Study & Meditate On What God Says Concerning Sexual Temptation. One of the greatest weapons we have is the Word of God. Meditate on verses like: “How can a young man keep his ways pure? By obeying your word.” Psalm 119:9 “I have hidden your word in my heart that I may not sin against you.” Psalm 119:11 “I have made a covenant with my eyes not to look at a young woman with lust.” Job 31:1 “Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? Also read Proverbs Chapter 5 and Chapter 7. These two chapters have enabled me to clearly see what is at a stake every time I’m tempted.

Weapon #3: Avoid Anyone or Anything That stimulates lust. Paul told young Timothy, “Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call upon the name of the Lord.” For instance keep away from:
•Sexually explicit movies and music.
•Magazines and newspapers that are arouse you sexually.
•Friends who are sexually immoral.
•Places that make you forget you resolve to be pure.
When you avoid these things, replace them with other good activities like developing your hobbies and talents, serving others, and spending your time with people who love God and are living for him. Remember, the main point here is to keep your mind pure. The battleground over temptation is either won or lost in your mind. And what the mind accepts, the heart will eventually follow. So, fight to get the right things in your mind and wrong things out of your sight. “Guard you heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

Weapon #4: Share Your Experience With Other Christian People. It’s very important that you keep company with people who have the same desire of overcoming sexual temptation. Speak to a friend or a pastor you can trust. “Confess you sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.
The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” Sharing our experiences and challenges with other Christian individuals of same sex enables us to realize that we are not the only ones going through them and so we can stand with each other as we overcome. When you start using these weapons, God will make a way of escape for you and you will stand over the temptation.

How to Know If You Have Met the Right Person For Marriage

Statistics now show that 60 percent of marriages fail. Why do you think that is? It is because we are not marrying suitable people. If a person exploits you and disrespects you during the courtship / dating period, what makes you think anything is going to change after marrying them? During the "getting to know one another" stage of the relationship do they care more about what they can receive from you than getting to know you? Do they care more about what you have, how you look, or what you do for a living than the
person within? These things are all very superficial and do not matter for having a loving and stable marriage.
Building A Firm Marriage Foundation Before Getting Married If your relationship starts out as a sexual
relationship but never develops into anything else and you marry them, what will the relationship be based on? Lust and desire are not emotions that we should base our marriage on. Having sex with someone before getting married does not guarantee marital success. But getting to know someone's character and seeing they have moral convictions about marriage purity does! Marrying someone with lots of money and stuff will not guarantee marriage happiness, but marrying someone because you both live comparable lifestyles in Jesus Christ does! Marrying someone because they are good-looking does not guarantee happiness ever after,
but marrying people who are committed to staying married, no matter what, does! The bottom line is we need to marry people who share our same beliefs in Jesus Christ. Just because two people "say" they are Christians does not mean they are compatible people. One person's faith and beliefs may be VERY different
than another person's faith and beliefs. Know who you are marrying! The root of the problem for failing
marriages is that they do not start off right to begin with. Without a firm foundation to support the marriage on, it cannot survive, hence divorce, or at the very least, an unhappy marriage. We need to start off our relationships on something tangible and true! God and His principles are something we can hang
onto when times are tough in our marriage, but feelings of lust and desire diminish with time and will not be around to help us when we are having marriage difficulties. Why are we so superficial in our relationships? Why are we jumping into marriage with such fairytale images of happiness ever after? I think it is because
we have not been taught how to find suitable marriage spouses from our parents and because we aren't waiting on God. We seriously need to pray about our friendships with the opposite sex and never take our focus off of the reason we are able to even love another properly in the first place. If Christ had not sacrificed his life for ours how would we have learned what real love and forgiveness is all about? Jesus Christ living in us gives us the fruits to discern the difference between someone who is only using us and thinks they want to spend the rest of their life with us, and the person who we should actually marry. Look for the fruits in others. Fruits do not come from outside appearances, nobility, status, money, power, etc. But fruits of the Spirit come from within a person. These are what we need to look for in a potential marriage
spouse. The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance, against such there is no law. ( Galatians 5:22-23 )