Maintaining Clear Boundaries in Courtship

You know the story.

Girl meets guy. Guy woos girl....says stuff like, "You're just so beautiful," and "I can't believe how wonderful you are," and "Other guys were fools not to see how much you ____," and so on.

Guy is not exactly the ideal of godliness, and he may even have some habits and behavioral tendencies that would make even the weakest believer cringe, but girl does not care.

She knows in her heart that guy is not really all that bad, and more than that, because she's strong in faith, they will work as a couple with her taking the spiritual lead.

She knows better than to end up in bed with him - that commandment is as clear as day in her mind. There's no way she'd break that rule.

Yeah right.

And so the story goes. First she lets him kiss her, then she finds herself making out on the couch, and the next thing she knows, she's dealing with a whole load of shame, if not an unplanned pregnancy.

No, I'm not cynical. Yet I do see an increasing number of women pass through our labor & delivery unit without a wedding band, and many claim to be professing Christians. So how do they end up there, when the Scripture is so explicitly clear on the matter?

Paul gives us a direct admonition regarding the life of faith in I Corinthians 10:12 - "Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall." (NKJV) This Scripture reflects the classic warning in Proverbs: "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall" (Proverbs 16:18 NKJV).The first reason why a woman, or anyone for that matter, falls into a pattern of sin, has to do with her self-perception. She ignores the warnings about dating someone weak in the faith (or not at all in the faith) and says to herself, I am an exception - I will be able to resist sin.

My sisters, the Bible speaks very clearly to this condition: "Do not be unequally yoked," (II Corinthians 6:14 NKJV) which in plain English means Do Not Be Unequally Yoked!

The moment we think that we can resist sin by our own willpower or holiness, we fall into a trap laid quite ingeniously for us by the enemy. Galatians 6:1 warns, "Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted." (NKJV, emphasis mine) We cannot afford to think more highly of ourselves than we ought to think (Romans 12:3) - such pride stands in the way of God's help. Over and over the Bible states that God resists the proud and gives grace to the humble (Proverbs 3:34). We cannot afford to think that we will not fall when placed into the same situation - Jesus warns in Matthew 7:1-2 that the very thing we judge in another will be judged in our own life.

A sober, humble view of ourselves is the first way to resist sin in this area. Even if I have guarded my heart for years and refused to date anyone who might drag me down spiritually, if I believe for one second that I can make an exception just once and that I will not fall away, I place myself directly into that trap. Over and over I have seen different friends make that fateful decision despite warnings from all the believers around them, and over and over again they fall - every single time.

God has placed His body around us for our protection and to spur us on in the faith. Allow the believers around you to speak into your life. On our own, we may easily slip up, but with the admonitions of those around us (as long as we actually listen) we may steady our feet on the path of righteousness.

Secondly, we must resist the temptation to believe that the world has anything to offer us that would excel the glory of following Christ. Many women who make the choice to date someone outside the faith mistakenly believe that God is withholding from them - that they are missing something wonderful that their heart longs to experience. Surely God would not withhold a relationship from them, especially if it makes them happy!

James 4:1-10 addresses the issue of following after worldly desires:

Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves. You lust for what you don't have and are willing to kill to get it. You want what isn't yours and will risk violence to get your hands on it. You wouldn't think of just asking God for it, would you? And why not? Because you know you'd be asking for what you have no right to. You're spoiled children, each wanting your own way. You're cheating on God. If all you want is your own way, flirting with the world every chance you get, you end up enemies of God and his way. And do you suppose God doesn't care? The proverb has it that "he's a fiercely jealous lover." And what he gives in love is far better than anything else you'll find. It's common knowledge that "God goes against the willful proud; God gives grace to the willing humble." So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he'll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it's the only way you'll get on your feet. (James 4:1-10 The Message)

When we "flirt with the world" we risk that intimate friendship with God that brings righteousness and life. We have heard that God can satisfy our longings: "For He satisfies the longing soul, and fills the hungry soul with goodness" (Psalm 107:9 NKJV). Desiring to seek that satisfaction through the ways of the world only brings hurt and destruction!

Remember Abraham, who waited over 25 years for the fulfillment of the promise - when he tried to make it happen on his own, he created a whole mess that carries on in the Middle East even into the present day. God still fulfilled His promise to Abraham, however, and will fulfill every promise to us today (I Corinthians 1:20). If we hold onto those promises He has made, and resist the passions of the world, we will experience the joy of peaceful obedience to the One who satisfies the soul.

Sisters, I know that many of you long for the love of a man. God knows that deep desire of your heart, and even put that there Himself. He knows the very person that is created to match you perfectly. In His own time, God will bring you together.

God desires that you and I will come to Him and seek Him to fulfill the desires of our hearts! He joyfully longs to bless those who ask Him: "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!" (Matthew 7:7-11 NKJV)

While you wait for His answer, though, you must make boundaries clear in your life. Seek that humility that God draws close to, and throw away every desire for the world. Only then can you make decisions with a pure conscience.

May we all honor God in everything we do!

Written by
Leah Nichols

Christian Relationship Help: How toHonor and Respect Parents Who Aren'tHonorable or Respectable

Are you looking for Christian relationship help to guide you in how to honor and respect parents who aren't honorable or respectable? One of the Ten Commandments given by God is to honor your mother and father and it came with the promise that the Israelites would live long in their land (Exodus 20:12 ). "Honor"

means to show proper respect and value. It isn't difficult to figure out how to honor and respect parents that behave honorably and respectably, but how do you honor and respect parents that don't act that way?

Many parents live in a way that isn't responsible. They overspend and incur huge debts. They don't plan appropriately for the future and end up in a situation where they need money for basic necessities. They have addictions to drugs, alcohol, gambling, and shopping. They are verbally and emotionally abusive to you, your siblings, your other parent, and your children. They may have divorced your mother or father and are now living with or married to someone who isn't your biological parent and worse yet, someone you don't like or respect. They may also have been bad parents when raising you and your siblings and have never repented. These and other problems are all too common today, yet Christians still feel they need to abide by the biblical mandate. Here are ways you can honor a dishonorable parent: Refuse to enable bad behavior. Honoring does not require children to enable parents to continue bad behavior. It doesn't honor parents to do things that ultimately hurt them, the relationship with you, and others. When you honor someone, you want what is best for them because you value them enough to care. Refusing to enable unhealthy choices is

investing in your parent's long-term good and acting in a way that increases the chance that positive changes will be made. Speak respectfully when confronting. Treating your parents with respect doesn't mean you can't confront them with the truth. The temptation might be to confront them with the deluge of resentment and anger you have stored up for years. Instead, you speak to them at the appropriate time in the appropriate way. Talk to them alone rather than in front of other people. Let them know that the problems are hurting your relationship with them and that you want the relationship to be better. Don't talk down to them or treat them abusively or with contempt. Accept your part in the problem by owning your own perceptions, opinions, experiences, and feelings. Recognize that your parents have the right to make choices for themselves as adults and so do you. Don't tell them what to do, manipulate, or threaten. Do the things you can. There are some things you cannot do: give money when the money isn't going to be spent wisely

or is hurting you and your immediate family; tolerate abusive behavior toward you or your spouse and children; allow someone who is high or intoxicated in your home; allow someone to live with you who will disrupt your home and not respect your boundaries; or anything else that is enabling. You can't do these types of things but you can visit the person in other settings; remember holidays; help with things that are for your parent's good and do things that you would normally do for them. Honoring and respecting your parents

doesn't require you to tolerate and condone unacceptable behavior nor does it require you to allow them to do anything they want in your home and to you. It simply means that you treat your parents as people who you care about and value enough to make a stand for what is right and what is good for your long-term relationship.

Seven Things Every Married Couple Needs To Learn To Say.

Learn to Say, "I Love You!" This seems be a given, but it is not said enough in today's marriages. You may
indeed love your mate,but say it anyway. Say it every day. Say it several times a day. Don't be like the fellow who responded to his wife's query if he loved her by saying, "I told you I loved you when I married you. If I ever change my mind, I'll let you know." Don't do that. Learn to Say, "Let's Talk!" This is very essential. Communication is the key to any relationship. If you don't talk, you'll struggle to assure your spouse. People believe that if there is something in your heart, then it'll come out though your mouth. If you really care, say you do. Talk about things. Work out your differences. Talk. It is words backed up with our actions that bring the most security to someone else. One without the other just fosters doubt.

Learn to Say, "I Need You!" Never say, "I don't need you." A marriage is about needing each other. It is about being greater than the sum of our parts. To not need your spouse is a problem. But more than simply needing each other learn to say it to each other. My wife and I are part of a whole. I honestly don't know what I'd do without her. But feeling this way is not as important as telling her that I need her. There is great security that comes from knowing that you're needed, that you aren't superfluous.

Learn To Say, "I Admire You." Men have a need to be admired as one would admire a hero. Women need to be admired as one would admire beauty or something very precious. Maybe you haven't figured it out by now ladies, but your husband has an ego. He loves it when you stroke that ego. He loves to be thought of as capable, strong, the knight in shining armor if you will. And women need their husbands to admire their beauty, personality, and general presence. Men like that too and women sometimes like to be admired for their capability as well. But in all cases, it is clear; we need our spouse to admire us.

Learn to Say, "Thank You!" Everyone likes to know that their efforts were appreciated. When someone does something for you say, "Thank you." Don't take what your wife does or your husband does for granted. If the husband goes to work each day, don't just take that effort for granted. If your wife works, takes care of the kids, fixes meals, or whatever she does, don't take it for granted. Say, "Thank you." Gratitude and appreciation go a long way to strengthen any marriage.

Learn to Say, "Please." Saying "Please" shows respect. Everyone needs to feel a measure of respect. When someone asks instead of demands it, it shows respect for the individual as well as the individual's time and feelings. Respect is best shown through the words you say. They demonstrate recognition of the other person. Your spouse will be much more willing to help and do things for you if he or she feels respected by you.

Learn to Say, "I'm Sorry." Every husband has hurt his wife. Every wife has hurt her husband. Learn to say, "I'm sorry." Not in a flippant, arrogant manner, but with sincerity and honesty. There are too few apologies in marriages. Mostly, when we mess up or hurt someone we don't apologize, we just pretend it didn't happen. But that sends the wrong message. When you don't apologize, you indicate that you don't care. Trust me, that is not a message you want to send unless you want more conflict. Even if you don't feel that you were in the wrong, apologizing for your part in the problem will go a long way. Learn to say these seven things to each other and they will help build your marriage.

Written By
Greg Baker

Marriage Secret-Success Secret To Husband And Wife Relationship

In a husband and wife relationship, thefirst desire of the couple is to have a successful marriage. But many areignorant of the success secret to a "heaven on earth" marital life. Marriage is to be enjoyed and not endured. Lay hands on the marriage secrets and you will have memorable story to tell generations after you. This article talks about one marriage secret that will change your attitude towards your spouse for the better.
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered 1 Peter 3:7 (KJV) Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge Hebrews 13:4 (KJV) And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as
ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me Matthew 25:40 (KJV)
In a husband and wife relationship, ability to honour one another is a virtue that a couple should have if they are to enjoy a successful marriage. Honouring one another among other things ensures that your prayers are not hindered. But then what is the yard-stick for honouring your spouse? One major success secret is to honour your spouse as you honour God. This is the yard-stick. It is an act of worship unto God when you honour your spouse because he/she is a creation of God. God instituted marriage and He being a God of
honour expects you to honour marriage by honouring your spouse. Whatever you do to your spouse, do it as
unto God. When you respond to or react against your spouse know that you have done it to God. Imbibing this truth and walking in it will help you to weigh whatever you want to say or do to your spouse before you do so: you will be able to determine whether your proposed action will honour God or not. This marriage secret in a husband and wife relationship will help you to do what is right to your spouse even if you think
he/she does not deserve it. Also, honouring your spouse as unto God will help you not to feel used by your spouse. You will walk in love with excitement towards your spouse knowing that it pleases God.
Now, your own benefits for walking in this success secret are as follows: Your relationship with God will be intact because you are obedient to His instructions. The enemy won't be able to attack your marriage. Your spouse is provoked to honour you too as unto God Successful marriage will ultimately be your portion.
You will become a role model both to your children and other people who desire to honour God and enjoy their husband and wife relationship. In conclusion, it is possible to enjoy a "heaven on earth" marital life. Act on this marriage secret and the wine in your marriage will never run out. Even a dying relationship revives following this success secret.

4 Powerful Weapons To Overcoming Sexual Temptation

I don’t know how much you know about overcoming sexual temptation and whether you are a Christian or not. But I know that whoever you are, whatever you have done and wherever you might be, victory over sexual temptation is possible with God’s help. It’s unfortunate when a person’s career comes to an end due to sexual scandal or when one dies to sexually transmitted diseases or when a family breaks up due to infidelity or when a man is bound by chains of pornography or/and masturbation. Indeed, there are many
casualties of sexual accidents, and I won’t want any man or woman to go through the pain, the shame, the loss of reputation and money, yet a way to victory is available. Allow me to share with you 4 powerful weapons to overcome sexual temptation.

Weapon #1: Acknowledge Your Weakness Before God In Prayer. None of us can overcome any temptation except for the enablement of God through the power of the Holy Spirit. On our own we are wretched and powerless to overcome the power and deception of sin. But accepting Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour the power of sin is broken in our lives. He then helps us to overcome. He himself went through ALL the temptations we face but did not sin. So he understands what we feel. Therefore, when you approach God in prayer, tell him how you feel. Pour out your heart to him –the guilt, the shame, the failures, the urges – and ask him to help you overcome. When you humble yourself before God, he will give you the
grace to overcome. "Keep watch and pray, so that you you will not give in to temptation. For the spirit is willing but the body is weak.

Weapon #2: Study & Meditate On What God Says Concerning Sexual Temptation. One of the greatest weapons we have is the Word of God. Meditate on verses like: “How can a young man keep his ways pure? By obeying your word.” Psalm 119:9 “I have hidden your word in my heart that I may not sin against you.” Psalm 119:11 “I have made a covenant with my eyes not to look at a young woman with lust.” Job 31:1 “Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? Also read Proverbs Chapter 5 and Chapter 7. These two chapters have enabled me to clearly see what is at a stake every time I’m tempted.

Weapon #3: Avoid Anyone or Anything That stimulates lust. Paul told young Timothy, “Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call upon the name of the Lord.” For instance keep away from:
•Sexually explicit movies and music.
•Magazines and newspapers that are arouse you sexually.
•Friends who are sexually immoral.
•Places that make you forget you resolve to be pure.
When you avoid these things, replace them with other good activities like developing your hobbies and talents, serving others, and spending your time with people who love God and are living for him. Remember, the main point here is to keep your mind pure. The battleground over temptation is either won or lost in your mind. And what the mind accepts, the heart will eventually follow. So, fight to get the right things in your mind and wrong things out of your sight. “Guard you heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

Weapon #4: Share Your Experience With Other Christian People. It’s very important that you keep company with people who have the same desire of overcoming sexual temptation. Speak to a friend or a pastor you can trust. “Confess you sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.
The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” Sharing our experiences and challenges with other Christian individuals of same sex enables us to realize that we are not the only ones going through them and so we can stand with each other as we overcome. When you start using these weapons, God will make a way of escape for you and you will stand over the temptation.

How to Know If You Have Met the Right Person For Marriage

Statistics now show that 60 percent of marriages fail. Why do you think that is? It is because we are not marrying suitable people. If a person exploits you and disrespects you during the courtship / dating period, what makes you think anything is going to change after marrying them? During the "getting to know one another" stage of the relationship do they care more about what they can receive from you than getting to know you? Do they care more about what you have, how you look, or what you do for a living than the
person within? These things are all very superficial and do not matter for having a loving and stable marriage.
Building A Firm Marriage Foundation Before Getting Married If your relationship starts out as a sexual
relationship but never develops into anything else and you marry them, what will the relationship be based on? Lust and desire are not emotions that we should base our marriage on. Having sex with someone before getting married does not guarantee marital success. But getting to know someone's character and seeing they have moral convictions about marriage purity does! Marrying someone with lots of money and stuff will not guarantee marriage happiness, but marrying someone because you both live comparable lifestyles in Jesus Christ does! Marrying someone because they are good-looking does not guarantee happiness ever after,
but marrying people who are committed to staying married, no matter what, does! The bottom line is we need to marry people who share our same beliefs in Jesus Christ. Just because two people "say" they are Christians does not mean they are compatible people. One person's faith and beliefs may be VERY different
than another person's faith and beliefs. Know who you are marrying! The root of the problem for failing
marriages is that they do not start off right to begin with. Without a firm foundation to support the marriage on, it cannot survive, hence divorce, or at the very least, an unhappy marriage. We need to start off our relationships on something tangible and true! God and His principles are something we can hang
onto when times are tough in our marriage, but feelings of lust and desire diminish with time and will not be around to help us when we are having marriage difficulties. Why are we so superficial in our relationships? Why are we jumping into marriage with such fairytale images of happiness ever after? I think it is because
we have not been taught how to find suitable marriage spouses from our parents and because we aren't waiting on God. We seriously need to pray about our friendships with the opposite sex and never take our focus off of the reason we are able to even love another properly in the first place. If Christ had not sacrificed his life for ours how would we have learned what real love and forgiveness is all about? Jesus Christ living in us gives us the fruits to discern the difference between someone who is only using us and thinks they want to spend the rest of their life with us, and the person who we should actually marry. Look for the fruits in others. Fruits do not come from outside appearances, nobility, status, money, power, etc. But fruits of the Spirit come from within a person. These are what we need to look for in a potential marriage
spouse. The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance, against such there is no law. ( Galatians 5:22-23 )

Wisdom for Marriage

Cherish the bond of unity which you have before God, not trying to explain its mystery, but ever seeking to plumb its depths. At the core of this unity is love. Love has no bounds. It is as deep as the human heart and as eternal as the Divine itself. Let love be your passion, and it will become your peace; let love be your pursuit, and it will become your pleasure; let love freely grow, and its harvest will be bountiful. The seed of love will become the flower of the sublime. In love, you will assume the very likeness of the Prince of love, even Jesus. So follow love. Be, therefore, patient with each other. Many quarrels result from misunderstanding and selfishness. Take time to listen to your mate and you will soon hear their heart which speaks deeper than words. Be kind to each other. Avoid faultfinding. Criticism is an ogre, and sarcasm a brute. They wound deeply; they scar for life; few recover from their blows. Pleasant speech rejuvenates, and the soothing touch restores. Meekness is a costly jewel, a crowning adornment of perfection. Quietness is a precious covering, a fine garment of praise. Remember that anger is a cruel destroyer; it leaves misery in its wake. View grudges as lethal; bury them quickly. Never justify yourself in order to win advantage. Self-justification makes everyone a loser. Justice will eventually reach its home down the roads of compassion and forgiveness. Abandon your expectations; accept one another freely. Always seek to do what is right.
Be gentle with each other. Be sensitive to each other's needs. Affection is the tie of intimacy; it is the balm for healing. Covet it. It will revive you in the times of life's disappointments and tears. Be considerate of each other, giving due respect. Put each other's interests before your own. Be willing to offer the appropriate compliment--it will refresh the weary and lighten the load. Encouragement transforms a wasteland into a paradise; and little thoughtful surprises are like a morning dawn. Be honest with each other at all times.
Truth should always reign, for the Lord is always near. When trust dies, everything dies. Jealousy is monstrous. Never be suspicious of the other's intentions or actions. Believe each other's words and seek not for hidden meanings. Often the search is endless, and what is found is usually your own corrupt imaginings.
Be humble toward each other. Don't be overly concerned about your personal image. Be real. In the intimacy of marriage you can't fool your partner anyway. Reality is always a natural unfolding. Give your partner space to grow, and rejoice in their unfolding. In their freedom you both will fly. Don't ridicule or reject their dreams, but dream with them. Self-sacrifice is gain, and self- denial holds great reward. Give to each other and you will never be in want. Support each other and you will never fall. Laugh with each other and you will never be poor. Pray with each other and you will never weaken. Above all, travel with each other, daily seeking Christ together--the Source and Fountain of love--for in Him are all your springs. Live in Him and He will live in you; and He Himself will perfect you in your love by giving to you His love.

The Wisdom in Love

Love: 'It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails'. 1 Corinth: 13 v 7-8 (NIV). It is important to identify the difference between Love and Lust. One thing I have always been sure of is the feelings that serge within you when you mention a name, consider a thought, look back and reflect on an experience and being drawn out by your imagination. However, it is necessary to be think wisely, because although you conjure up positive feelings you can not and must not ignore why relationships may not have developed or lasted. It is important to Look at the Bible's requirements in finding a life-long partner; this is necessary for your success in knowing if it's Love or Lust. For the man, the qualities to look for when considering a wife is clearly stated in Prov. 31 v 10-31. And for the woman, it is important that she must present herself in such a way that it will attract the right God-fearing person. Her dress must be modest and her behaviour respectful. She must not reveal too much as this can attract the wrong person into her life. Both men and women must remember, if a relationship is strictly based on physical attraction, it can end in disastrous circumstances. So Love or Lust ? You can decide by being faithful and patient, seeking first God's Kingdom and someone who in like manner shows his/her affection for Spiritual things.