Before Getting Married Part Two

Marriage was designed and ordained by God for our good and pleasure. But since the fall of Adam and Eve, marriage has gotten complicated and in some cases, it has turned out to be what the couple never expected, nor what parents had in mind when they celebrated the journey of the two. Some marriages has become so
sour that the partners live in fear and tear or as enemies. Others have planned, hardened their hearts and eliminated their former ‘sweethearts’ and ‘honey’. We all, I guess must have heard or seen ‘darling’ couples who are now enemies, hating each other more than words can describe. But despite this, people get married every day. There are those who are fasting and praying, willing to go to any length to find a wife or husband. They do not take into consideration all the negative stories thy must have heard. Meanwhile, there are those who wish that God had approved divorce and or made a law permitting people to go their separate ways at the least provocation. Such have stayed married just to appease their church or their circle of friends. Left
to them, their marriage would have been dissolved years back. In retrospect, we say that marriage is like a besieged city; some who are married would wish they could rewind the clock and become free again; while some who are single are desiring without respite, that they would find the Prince or Princess and live happily ever after. Nevertheless, since God designed marriage, there are many who are enjoying it and thank God daily for His wisdom in instituting marriage and giving them the man or woman of their heart. Where do you belong?

By
Dr Uma Ukpai

Before Getting Married Part One

I will spend time once every week to show you the mechanics and the dynamics and the kingdom nuggets by revelation and testimonies of the secret of being happy and staying happy while single before getting married. Men and brethren, marriage is a besieged city, those inside wants to jump out and those outside wants to jump in. I have expanded earlier on the intents and the contents of SECRET OF HAPPY MARRIAGE because anyone who is not happy while single cannot be happy when married.We shall look at the arithmetic of romance and how you can serve God while single and happily doing so until you find your Prince or Princess. The scripture says he that finds a wife, finds a good thing. And obtains favour from the lord. Prov 18:22 . Which means to be married is transference of anointing of favour from one level to another. This time from being single to marriage level, blessing both parties. Some questions that needs to be answered includes but not limited to; Why do people live in debt after marriage? Why do Christians borrow to marry and live in debt after? Do you need to be comfortable in life before you get married? Or do we need to be stupidly poor, so that God can favour us after we get married? First, Let us look at the definition of finding. To find is in the same context with seek in Mathew 7:7 .Therefore, to find is to come upon sometimes by accident, to come upon or discover by searching or making effort. To find is also to discover or ascertain through observation, experience or study. To find can also be to perceive to be,after consideration. To find is to regain, recover to succeed in reaching, to obtain, to acquire by effort, to decide on and make declaration about. To find can also be to bring oneself to an awareness of what one truly wishes to be, to have and do in life. To find is also to perceive oneself to be in a specific place or condition through the direction of the Holy Spirit. As a young person, who is in love with a girl or a boy; you dream beautiful dreams but be prepared that after the wedding you will know that love is blind, but marriage is an eye opener. There are things you must put in place. Anybody who dreamt of a marriage and got married and found that the wife will not obey his command and got disappointed because she did not obey his command is a sick man. It amazes me when people ask us to pray for them that God will give them a man or woman who is like them. Boy oh boy, marriage is a union of two opposites. A man that says stand up and a woman that says why must we stand up; a man who likes garri and a woman who likes rice; a man who likes clothes and a woman who has no interest in clothes. It is this mixture of two opposites that will give marriage, life and progress. Are you getting married because of your family’s pressure? Is it because you want to prove a point to your friends or enemies that you can be married?” To be continued..

By
Dr Uma Ukpai

Abuse: Five Signs That You Are Dating An Abusive Man

Abuse in relationships is all too common. Once you are in a committed relationship with someone who is abusive, you will find that it is harder to get out of it than when you are dating. This is because you begin to experience a crisis of self-doubt and low self-esteem the longer you are in the relationship. The best thing to do is to pay attention to signs that you are dating an abusive man and end the relationship as soon as you figure it out. Here are five signs that you are dating an abusive man:
1. He's possessive. He wants you to spend your time exclusively with him. He is jealous of your friends and family and discourages you from being with them. He attempts to pull you away from them by putting them down and putting a wedge between you and them. He texts you constantly and gets upset, if you don't answer right away. He always wants to know where you are and what you are doing and questions you about it.
2. He's got a master mentality. He talks a lot of submission and the roles husband and wife should have. He talks negatively about women and their abilities and characteristics.He makes statements that reflect his view that women have their "place" and that women want to rule over men. (You may have to listen to subtle cues on this, if he isn't being completely open yet with his comments.)
3. He's too serious too fast. If he loves you right away, wants to spend all his time with you right away,walks into your life and "takes care of you," he may be exhibiting controlling behavior rather than caring for you. Be careful, if you are looking for someone to fall in love with and a partner to help you with your responsibilities financially and otherwise,
because you may be vulnerable with someone who walks into your life and takes over-too much.
4. He's got you walking on eggshells. If you are already noticing that you are afraid to tell him things because of his reaction, then you are already reacting to the abusive nature, even though it might be subtle at this point. If you are afraid of his reaction when you tell him no, are late, cancel plans, share an opinion, turn down an offer, don't answer his call, or argue with him, then you are already sensing the anger and control.
5. He's got you questioning yourself. If he blames you when things go wrong, shames you for making mistakes, interrogates you to get explanations, or makes you feel crazy when you disagree with him, then you are beginning to feel the common self-doubt and invalidation that is a part of abuse. Abusive men cannot take criticism and comments about their behavior. They are defensive and attacking and use techniques to turn it back on to you. You will notice yourself replaying conversations and events and wondering if you really did and said what he
perceived.
When you see these five signs (and you don't have to have all of them), you are dating an abusive man. You will spare yourself a lot of trouble, if you get out before you get entrenched. God doesn't want you to be abused or controlled; he wants you to be loved and cherished.